Dec. 24th, 2014 08:03 pm
emyrldlady: (Katherine H. Whuuu?)
I need to vent for a moment.

What's the term?  Schadenfreude?

You ever have a friend who pretty much is your friend because your life sucks and they feel better about their own life because of your misery? No? Really? Well, guess you've got better friends than me.

As most of you know my last few years have sucked. And in the last 3 months it's turned around. I've had a friend, a good friend, lend me a great deal of money so I got ahead of my finacial problems. The plan is that around March we are going to move in together and my expenses will be cut in half. To that end I will begin to pay this friend back.

Now this other friend, she's not happy about this. She says that it's a huge mistake and that I'm going to regret this because the person who lent me money will hold it over my head. They won't. I'm certain of it. She also says that I can't live with anyone. Because I'm too demanding. ( I may be a bit demanding, but I never expect from anyone what I'm not willing to put out there)

When I mentioned that part of the plan is for me to go back to school part time, she said to me.... 'you know with your  diabetes and thyroid issue you probably can't comprehend well anymore.'  Yes, she told me I'm too sick to learn.

When I mentioned that I was interested in social media marketing, she said that was for young people. So now not only am I too sick, I'm too old. I'm turning 48 in a couple of weeks. That is not too old, and yes I have illnesses, but I'm not stupid.

So I ignored her remarks, and distanced myself a bit. Now around this time, maybe a little after, with my financial issues not stressing me out, I started to get healthy, I started dieting and exercising. I'm down 12lbs and a few inches off my waist.  Go Me! I've made a few posts here about it but I'm mostly talking about it on FB. I've even got my walk app synced to my FB so it posts my progress.

This morning I saw this friend and she actually said to me 'I unfriended you on FB because I couldn't stand seeing all your posts. It was making me depressed."

Yes, MY feeling good about myself depressed her.  Well, you know what depresses me? Wasting years being her friend. I'm done. If you can't feel happy for me, and you need to actively avoid my being cheerful... fuck you. How's that for happy.
emyrldlady: (Snow Rose)
To all my friends and family,

You may be family by blood, choosing or a new friend I’ve never met.

To say that this year has been bad would be an understatement. I’ve gone through rough years, lean years, unemployment and life threatening illnesses before, seriously, the ICU nurses know me. But this year got to me. This year I suffered from depression the likes I’ve never seen. I had to beg for money. It was humiliating and eye opening. I’ve had to re-evaluate my life, my friends, needs and my priorities.
The people who stepped up to the plate and helped me without judgment, you have no idea what you have really done. You have saved my life. I don’t mean that as an over dramatization. Less than six months ago I was set to end my life. I have no immediate support system. No spouse/boyfriend to share my burden with. My friends and family have their own lives to contend with, and I didn’t want to make their lives worse. I don’t know what I would have done if certain people hadn’t reached down into the hole I’d curled up in and hauled me out.

Whether it was a phone call, a text, an email; emotional or financial. You all saved me. (Especially one person)

Do I still have debt? Yes, but at the moment I’m not drowning and there is a plan in place for the coming year to begin life again. I’m trying to find out who I’m meant to be and at almost 48, that’s a hard place to find yourself.  But I know I don’t want to have another year like this one.
Speaking of almost 48, my birthday is coming up. Usually having spent Christmas and New Year’s alone followed closely by my birthday sends me into a tailspin of emotional failure. I am very lucky when I can get a few people together for a few drinks for my birthday. But this year I’m asking for something different.

I’m not in a position to pay it forward yet, but I’d like to try through all of you. Do me a favor? Do someone else a favor. Take a few bucks or a few hours and do some good. Donate to a good cause, an established charity, buy a homeless person a meal. Plant a tree, go through your closet and donate some old clothes.

And since it is MY birthday, let me know what you’ve done. C’mon, give me the warm fuzzies for my birthday.



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