emyrldlady: (Maureen OHara)
So a few of you may have noticed a decided lack of ‪#‎fitforfifty‬ in my posting. I had a few setbacks and stopped going to the gym and my diet went a bit by the wayside. I can make excuses, lost my job, depression, new medicines, going on the insulin pump... but today I started again and I'm very happy I did. I didn't do a lot, just a stretch warm up and 30 minutes on the bike but it was something. And when I wobbly walked out of the gym I took a nice deep breath and was proud of myself.

I gained back 10 of the 17 lbs that I had lost but weight isn't the end game here and I've got to remind myself that. While I can't afford the stretch classes again until I'm gainfully employed there is no reason I can't go to the gym. I've kept up my membership and it's fairly inexpensive. I was doing well and feeling much better about myself when I was treating my body well. It's time to get back to that.

updates

Jan. 6th, 2015 03:46 pm
emyrldlady: (Elf ears)
So the holidays have come and gone, hope everyone had a safe and happy season.

My birthday has also come and gone, I'm 48 now, so this #fitforfifty thing is getting serious.  I gained back a few pounds over the holidays but that's to be expected. I'm not doing resolutions this year. I'm just living life, but here are a few things I've done lately and hopefully will have created them as habits.

Things I’ve done for myself lately;

Cut out soda
Exercise 4 days a week
Power Stretch
Started wearing makeup again
Eating more veggies
Focused on what I need, not what someone else wants from me
Mostly sticking to my lists
Started deep cleaning the apartment
Doing more writing
Listened
Started meditating again
Stopped saying ‘I’ll do that starting next week/year/month’

W.T.F.

Dec. 24th, 2014 08:03 pm
emyrldlady: (Katherine H. Whuuu?)
I need to vent for a moment.

What's the term?  Schadenfreude?

You ever have a friend who pretty much is your friend because your life sucks and they feel better about their own life because of your misery? No? Really? Well, guess you've got better friends than me.

As most of you know my last few years have sucked. And in the last 3 months it's turned around. I've had a friend, a good friend, lend me a great deal of money so I got ahead of my finacial problems. The plan is that around March we are going to move in together and my expenses will be cut in half. To that end I will begin to pay this friend back.

Now this other friend, she's not happy about this. She says that it's a huge mistake and that I'm going to regret this because the person who lent me money will hold it over my head. They won't. I'm certain of it. She also says that I can't live with anyone. Because I'm too demanding. ( I may be a bit demanding, but I never expect from anyone what I'm not willing to put out there)

When I mentioned that part of the plan is for me to go back to school part time, she said to me.... 'you know with your  diabetes and thyroid issue you probably can't comprehend well anymore.'  Yes, she told me I'm too sick to learn.

When I mentioned that I was interested in social media marketing, she said that was for young people. So now not only am I too sick, I'm too old. I'm turning 48 in a couple of weeks. That is not too old, and yes I have illnesses, but I'm not stupid.

So I ignored her remarks, and distanced myself a bit. Now around this time, maybe a little after, with my financial issues not stressing me out, I started to get healthy, I started dieting and exercising. I'm down 12lbs and a few inches off my waist.  Go Me! I've made a few posts here about it but I'm mostly talking about it on FB. I've even got my walk app synced to my FB so it posts my progress.

This morning I saw this friend and she actually said to me 'I unfriended you on FB because I couldn't stand seeing all your posts. It was making me depressed."

Yes, MY feeling good about myself depressed her.  Well, you know what depresses me? Wasting years being her friend. I'm done. If you can't feel happy for me, and you need to actively avoid my being cheerful... fuck you. How's that for happy.
emyrldlady: (Get yer Freak on)
Every day isn't going to be great. I know that. I pushed myself hard this weekend because I was finally feeling good. I did some hard housecleaning and loads of laundry that need to be carried up and down a few flights of stairs. Sunday at the gym I pushed harder. I did a heavy grocery shopping that also had me hauling things up and down stairs. By the time mid day hit on Sunday I was paying for all of that. I'm not going to the gym today and I'm ok with that. But I also got very down on myself last night. I had been talking about ideas for a career change and going back to school with a friend on Saturday. I tried to do some research and ended up pretty depressed. The costs are just so hard for me to comprehend. I still have to check out resources but I'm stumped. My bad credit won't help with a loan and how does one qualify for some sort of scholarship when they haven't been inside a school for 30 years. So yeah. I was pretty down last night and it's lingering this morning. But I'm still going to try. There are going to be ups and downs. You can't just miraculously wake up one day and your depression and bad habits are gone. I overate last night. Not dramatically. I didn't eat a pint of ice cream or had fast food. But I did go over my carb limit and I'm a little disappointed in myself. But Rome wasn't built in a day. Thanks for listening.

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