emyrldlady: (Disaster)
[personal profile] emyrldlady
I was doing so well.

I definitely have what you would call situational depression. I become depressed when I can’t control situations and am left helpless by what’s going on around me. Best example of that is of course money.

Since I was bailed out in October my depression hasn’t vanished but I’ve been able to control it and deal with it much better. The push for a healthy new me has helped greatly.

Yesterday was supposed to be one of those days where I ‘take control’. I took the day off and had a couple of annual doctor’s visits set up. After that I planned on a little post birthday pampering.
I slept in, then made myself eggs and bacon and showered and headed out.

I got to my Endo and they asked me for my referral paperwork. I looked at them confused. My referral was good for six months and It was approved in August…. Nope. My insurance company wiped everything clean as of the first of the year.

Not only did they wipe out my referrals, they wiped out my GP information as well so that when I called my GPs office in an emergency they had no access to my insurance site and couldn’t get me another referral.
I had to call my insurance company, have them reinstate my GP information and then called back my GP, mind you I’m still sitting in my Endo’s office doing all this because I can’t get into my appointment without all of this, GP’s office says it takes 24hrs for the updates to go through and they can’t backdate anything these days and besides that the GP needs to see me in his office before they can do a referral. But I have to wait to see them because they’re not listed yet in my insurance system.

My Endo’s office wanted to charge me for the visit that I didn’t get to have that’s $50 for a specialist. But she ‘kindly’ let me off and rebooked an emergency visit for me for next week. That means I have to take more time off of work.

What this also means is that I didn’t get to go to any of my other doctor’s appointments either.

But it got worse…
As I was driving away from the doctor’s office I got sideswiped. Someone sped up thinking they could get around me as I made the left. They were totally in my blind spot and they hit my rear passenger side. There is no great damage, mostly rubber scrapes and a few paint chips. I’m just upset as I’ve only had this car for six months. Really, I can’t have nice things.

At this point in the day I turned my car around and went home and back to bed. I ate bad food, didn’t get my hair cut or mani-pedi or go to the gym like I planned. I just went home and pouted.

In the grand scheme of things this is not the worst day I’ve ever had. Not even close. However it is the worst day I’ve had since October and it mentally sent me spiraling. Every ‘coping’ habit I have came flooding back. I curled up, didn’t talk to anyone and ate three times what I should have. I lied to myself and that’s the worst part. I really didn’t care.

I got up today, I went to work. I am trying, but it’s a rough one. I know in my brain exactly what I’m doing. I’m just struggling to stop damaging myself because really, I’m the only one who loses.

Thanks for the listen.
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


emyrldlady: (Default)

September 2016

2526272829 30 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 21st, 2017 07:21 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios